Abortions have become so trendy that by the time I met my husband he had played a part in several of them.* Imagine his surprise when I said I was done having kids AND refused to get on the pill or get an IUD. I've always been hormonally sensitive and wasn't going to subject my body to any unnecessary pain or discomfort.
"So now what?" he asks.
"I dunno." Pause, "Condoms?"
"No, I hate those."
"Will you get an abortion?"
"I guess I'll get a vasectomy."
And with a $50 copay and a few days of recovery, all was well.
Better than well.
No more anxiety over late periods, no more mid-passion exchanges about ovulation. Only his question: Why didn't I do this a long time ago?
Better question: Why didn't any of the previous women feel like they had a Choice? Why did they feel like they had to do what He wanted? Why were they shackled by the barbaric ways of an IUD? Subject to weight gain and mood swings by the Pill? Why did THEY have to go to the doctor to have something (real or not, human or tissue) pulled out of them and miss a day of work? And be potentially subject to hormonal feelings of shame, guilt, loss?
Did they think they had to bear the burden of the relationship's problems alone?
Did they think they had to solve the world's problems?
Did they think it was their fault?
That whatever happened between their legs was awful? And their responsibility to bear?
Are Abortion Clinics a medical solution, or a Relationship Crutch? Have they become the Great Mother that solves all our problems and takes away our shame?
Did they feel so Powerful with their Right to Choose, laying their as their insides were sucked out?
Did they feel better than him?
Did they realize that was the end of that tryst?
I try to learn by observing others. I'm making a different choice.
A choice to be Free. A choice to let my Man bear this burden.
I fully agree that an unwanted pregnancy can be** an ugly thing. And just like an infection, we should focus on doing everything in our power to prevent it, rather than "cure" it. So let's prevent it.
Female birth control is a great solution if you are afraid to speak up to a man, if you feel he is better than you and that your voice doesn't matter. Then yes--get on the pill.
Female birth control is a great solution if you do not respect your man, if you feel he is a loser who is always messing up, and if you don't trust him to pull out, put that condom on just right, or schedule a vasectomy. Then yes--get on the pill, and then walk out the door. That relationship will never work.
Female birth control is a great solution if you're up for grabs by whomever will have you, if you're playing the field, and again--afraid or unwilling to speak up to these one-nighters. Then yes--get on the pill,*** and then take a Relationship Course.
Letting your man solve the problem (hint hint: vasectomy) is probably the best solution, if you want a method that reduces anxiety, is cost-effective, has an easy recovery, and ironically, doesn't involve cutting your man's balls off.
When I speak against Abortions, I'm just trying to speak for choice. True choice, not the choice of public opinion. I want my daughter some day to feel free to stand up for her body and say NO to something harmful to her body (pills, female sterilization, abortions). And I would love for her to be able to say this without an outcry from WOMEN. Abortion should be a last resort, not the must-have fall color.
Pro-choice? Yes, I am. And I chose: Vasectomy.
* These weren't about rape, incest or impoverished women in bad situations. These were middle and upper class people doing the tango, and treating their fetus as nothing more than a dog bite.
** Sometimes those little babies surprise us when they grow up!
*** Condoms would be better in this case, because they prevent against STDs, but I know, you're unwilling to speak up. Sorry darling, you do have a choice--but you can discuss that with your blisters.